Mommy Initiation

Except for the time when Teryn was hospitalized with pneumonia, none of my children have ever been sick enough to interfere with our everyday schedules and sleep times.  And concerning sleep in general, both of my boys have slept 12 hours through the night since they were 3 months old so except for their earlier newborn stages of nighttime feedings my sleep has never been extensively interfered with either.  I hear these moms who talk about sick children and sleepless nights but I've had no two cents to give when they shared such experiences and I would be lying if I said I wasn't glad about it. 

That all changed this past month.  It started with Teryn.  He got a fever that made him miserable for 3 or 4 days.  The fever broke just in time for Adria's arrival but soon thereafter it found Ryder and made him miserable for 3 or 4 days.  In the meantime Adria caught a cold in her eye and the goobers glued it shut every time she slept.  Soon thereafter Teryn caught it too, in both eyes.  The first night after he caught it he woke up screaming when he couldn't open his eyes.  The poor little dude.  Adria's other eye caught it after a few days and we finally visited the doctor to get some medicine.  Their eyes cleared but then Ryder caught a cold again and his nose hasn't stopped running since. 

Between administering medicine, comforting my boys, and feeding a newborn, I lost many, many hours of sleep.  The most stressful part was keeping everyone quiet so as to not disturb Daddy.  He works 15+ hours a day Monday thru Saturday (today was a prime example- -5:00 am to 9:00 pm) so he can't afford to miss a wink and you can hear everything from everywhere in this house.  He slept most nights in the basement on the couch and I had either Teryn or Ryder in bed with me where I could help and comfort them quickly and easily.  I missed my sleep and I also missed my husband.

I was starting to go crazy.  At one point while I was feeding Adria in the night I had the thought, "So this is what it's like.  This is what all those other moms are talking about." I felt like I was finally being initiated.  Like I had finally become a real mom. 

After a few weeks of restless nights I was a walking zombie, but one night while I was feeding Adria I realized something.  I sat in her faintly lit room, rubbing my tired eyes, pondering on how things have changed since she arrived.   Many people have asked what it's like having three kids--having three kids hasn't shaken my world quite yet.  I realized that the biggest change came as a result of the many hours I spent awake with my children in the night.  The hours I sacrificed sleep to comfort and help them sleep.  I realized just how much my children depend on me.  I'd never felt that before.  My boys have always been so independent.  Sleeping, eating, playing.  They've been happy to do everything on their own, but during those nights, they needed me. That was a new experience for me.

The biggest change has happened within me as a mother.  I feel closer to my children now than I ever have before. Those nights made me tired, but they've made me happy.