Day 3

DAY 3: SOMETHING YOU HAVE TO FORGIVE YOURSELF FOR

I think I could make an endless list in response to this question. Something I've always been is hard on myself. I'm the type that beats herself up over a slip-of-the-tongue that no one else even notices, let alone cares enough to think twice about. *sigh* Many instances come to mind.

The instance I feel most badly about, however, doesn't have anything to do with a slip-of-the-tongue. It has to do with feeling like I've let others down.
Like I've made them feel forgotten.

The last 5 transfers of my mission in South Korea, I was in a city called Gwang Ju. I served in the Pung Hyang and Cheom Dan wards. Man, I loved that area. The people were incredible. Not to say that they weren't incredible in the other areas I served- -but I spent most of my mission in Gwang Ju and cultivated some irreplaceable friendships there.

I spent my last transfer making last memories and saying goodbyes. I was training the incredible Sister Bourgeous and she got in with the members and investigators real quick by the time we had farewell shiksas (meals) every day. It seemed that every shiksa conversation went something like this:

Member/investigator: "Sister Henrie, you are a really great missionary. We are going to miss you so much!"
Me: "I'm going to miss you too! I will keep in touch when I get home."
Member/investigator: "That's what every missionary says, but they never do."
Me: "Well I'm different than the other missionaries.
I'll keep in touch. I promise."

I kept a small book with each persons' address, phone number, and e-mail address. I even bought a computer keyboard with the Korean alphabet.

When I got home, I bought an international phone card and used it up pretty quickly with a few phone calls. I e-mailed occasionally. I felt in-touch.......but not for long. Life happened and I soon found myself so caught up in everything I had going on that I didn't take the time to stay in touch.
I thought about the people everyday and missed them like crazy, but never made the time to let them know.

And with my loss of contact came my loss of the language. When I did have the opportunity to talk to someone in Korean I stumbled over my words. Sometimes there were words I couldn't remember at all. That hurt......a lot. I worked so hard to get the language and I experienced incredible miracles that allowed me to serve the Korean people. To feel that link fading away tore my heart in two.

And here I am, over 2 years later, still thinking about and missing my Korean friends, but not letting them know. I haven't kept in touch like I promised I would. I've become just another missionary that left their country and moved on with life. Recently while attending my Mission President's homecoming, I met a handful of younger sister missionaries who served in my areas after I returned home. When I introduced myself, "Hi, I'm Danielle Todd. I was Sister Henrie," the sisters smiled and excitedly said, "YOU'RE Sister Henrie? It's so great to meet you! You're a legend! Everyone in Pung Hyang and Cheom Dan still talk about you." Hearing that made my heart very happy, but also very sad. My stomach feels sick just typing about it.

I hope they know I still talk about them too. I hope they know how much I love and miss them and cherish their friendships. I hope they know that just the thought of them makes me smile. I hope they know I still look at their pictures every now and then. I hope they know that I really was sincere when I promised to keep in touch. I just didn't realize at the time what life had in store for me when I got home.

Perhaps in my prayers tonight I'll ask Heavenly Father to send them a telegram.