Memoirs of a Potty Training Mother

(Written September 25, 2014)
Well, it happened months ago, but it was such a fiasco that I want to record it.  Whether I have another similarly-stubborn child and I need reminded of how I did it the first time, or whether our experience will be helpful for someone else- -I want to record it.

With 3 children in diapers, Tyson and I obviously wanted to do something about it.  Teryn wasn't interested in potty training at all and he wasn't required to be trained for school because he was attending Con Amore, a special needs school in our area.  Even so, he was almost 4 years old and we decided it was time.  I bought prizes and treats, created a sticker chart, set up the potty chair and all other "Potty Party" worthy things.  The morning I anticipated starting, my heart sunk.  He wasn't ready.  I knew he wasn't ready and my heart was telling me it wasn't fair for me to expect it of him.  I stored everything back away in the closet to be pulled out at a later time.  

About 5 months later, during the summer (May-ish?), Tyson and I decided to try again.  I pulled everything back out and talked to Teryn about what was happening.  He was SO excited about the sticker chart and did really well!  He had no problem peeing in the toilet but resisted pooping, so we kept him in diapers as a precaution.  His poo-on-the-potty prize was a Spider Man action figure and after a few weeks he finally pooped on the potty to get it!  Big day!  But then he stopped.  Both peeing and pooping on the potty.  Completely.  As if he had earned what he wanted and just didn't care anymore.   

Weeks later, he wanted a Thor action figure so that was our next attempt to get him going regularly.  But this time, rather than letting him earn it after pooping only once, I made up a sticker chart with 15 spaces to fill before earning it.  He didn't care and wanted nothing to do with it.  Eventually he wanted me to put it in the closet so it was out of sight, out of mind.

We stopped pushing it.  Stopped talking about it completely.  I downloaded several potty apps on the iPad and let him discover them on his own.  Once he found them, he played them all the time!  One in particular called "Potty Time" had a song that he loved and he listened to it several times a day.  Even while he played, I never said anything about it- -just let him do his thing.

Another few months later, after using his last diaper, we went cold turkey.  I explained what was going on and what I expected of him.  He went naked for days and did awesome! But again, he wouldn't poo.  He peed regularly but he held his bowel.  He refused to poo on the potty and Tyson and I knew he would be ashamed to go anywhere anyone could see, which meant he would definitely go in his pants if we clothed him.  Sunday morning came and we told him he couldn't go to church unless he pooped.  We sat him on the toilet and he cried and cried.  After sitting on the toilet for almost an hour, crying his eyes out, he finally went!  Good thing he really likes church ;)  He was so proud of himself and excited to go to church.  He also recalled the Thor action figure and asked for it.  He hadn't gone 15 times like I had hoped he would, but I felt like he overcame quite an emotional obstacle in that moment so I pulled Thor out of the closet.  He was elated.

The following week was busy and we had several errands to run and places to be so he had to be dressed.  He had lots of accidents.  Tyson and I discussed what we should do and felt like we were to a point that we needed to implement consequences for accidents rather than positive reinforcement for successes.  He needed to fear something rather than just earning a new toy whenever he felt like it.  We mentioned the option of cold showers.  Teryn was listening to our conversation and asked for one.  Tyson and I were surprised, and of course we knew he didn't really comprehend what we were talking about, but we decided to show him.  He hated it of course.  After discussing with several people what to do, cold showers turned out to be more widely used than I expected (particularly by people in Neola, ha!) so we kept them up as the consequence for his accidents.

He got back into the groove and consistently peed on the toilet but still resisted pooping.  One morning he woke up and was in different pajamas?  He had changed and redressed himself in the night.  Of course that was suspicious, so I started looking around his room.  I found his underwear hidden in a drawer with a rock-solid bowel movement in them.  I immediately recognized that he had hid it because he knew he would get a cold shower if we knew he had an accident.  It made me sad to think he was getting that fearful, but also frustrated because he was obviously comprehending what was going on if he was going to those lengths.  I showed him what I found and calmly talked to him about it, asking him to try pooping in the toilet next time.  He didn't.  From that time on, he consistently started pooping in his pants and hiding it.  He had discovered how much more comfortable it was to just go and hide it than it was to hold it in.  You can imagine the excitement of my daily poopy-pants hunts =0)

 

Finally, I had had enough.  I sat him down to talk and put it in his hands.  I told him, "Teryn, you can go poo on the potty whenever you want to poo on the potty."  With 5 minutes, he pooped in his pants again but I just didn't acknowledge it.  We made a quick trip to Vernal that day and I bought a set of Legos for him to earn.  The next day, he went poo on the potty by himself!  He was so excited and so were we!  It was definitely a major turning point, so the next day when he pooped in his pants and hid it again, I was confused.  It was Sunday and he had done great through church.  After church, every one of us laid down to take a nap except for Teryn.  Ryder was in his room, Adria was in her room, Tyson and I were in the living room, and Teryn was downstairs playing on the iPad.  The only bathroom in the house is right next to the living room, so he would have had to come upstairs and possibly interrupt Tyson's and my nap to go.  He is so obedient and mindful of others- -I realized, that accident was our fault.  He knew we were sleeping and regardless of how bad he had to go, he wasn't going to disturb us.  Going in his pants was his only option, but then of course he was afraid of us finding out, so he hid it.  That experience helped me handle future situations.  For example, there were some nights when he would cry and cry and I'd go to see what was wrong.  He needed to go potty, but since the day he was born he's known that when we put him in bed, he doesn't get out of his bed.  Again, Mr. Obedient.  It took some time to help him understand that it doesn't matter where he is or what he's doing, he always has permission to go potty.  And we've been flying free ever since!  Being potty trained has definitely made Teryn seem so much older.  He loves to dress and undress himself and we are all enjoying his independence!  Good job Teryn G!

Celebratory ice cream at Marion's :)