No Super Mom

City league volleyball started last week.  It's the first of the last three years that I haven't been pregnant. I should have kept track of how many people were surprised.  "You're not pregnant!?" echoed by, "Not yet, anyway!" echoed by laughter, me included.  Last year, a lady from a neighboring town came to me and asked, "Did you lose the baby you were carrying last year?"  I wasn't offended or even taken back by her question.  I'm sure she wasn't the only one wondering!

Here I am with 3 children under 3 1/2 years of age.  Tyson feels like the reaction he gets (mostly from other men) is "You're crazy!"  I've gotten the same reaction a few times, but the predominant reaction I get (mostly from other women) is "You're super mom!"  I'm usually quick to reply with something witty about being ridiculously attracted to my husband and that makes for a good place to end that conversation =0)

Reality is, neither is true.  We're not crazy.  The 23 month gap between our first two and the 15 month gap between our second two were not our choices.  God always has a bigger (and better, whether we initially know it or not) plan for us.  And I'm no super mom.  Any fly on my wall will tell you that.

Super moms read for hours to their kids.  Super moms make nutritious, square meals.  Super moms explore the world and introduce their kids to all aspects of the changing seasons and weather.  Super moms build snowmen and ice caves.  Super moms visit museums and attend concerts.  Super moms make crafts and paint pictures.  Super moms have messy houses because they are so (rightfully) caught up with their children that house work can wait.

(Disclaimer: your definition of a super mom may vary.  That's great.  This is what I imagine a super mom to be.)

My kids are lucky if I read two books with them every day.  Teryn loves it, but Ryder just sabotages the moment and makes Teryn upset.  They watch more movies than I dare to admit.  They love oatmeal for breakfast but there's no telling what they'll get the rest of the day.  Teryn rarely eats at all and Ryder eats so much that I just give him whatever I can find, which isn't always the most nutritious stuff, to avoid a break down.  Teryn and Ryder get out to play a lot but I rarely get out with them because I'm tending to Adria.  They are perfectly happy getting out without mommy, but they miss out on the parental guidance and teaching opportunities.  We don't visit museums or attend concerts because I don't feel like I can spend money on tickets for something my kids won't appreciate. Teryn enjoys art but would rather throw balls and jump from the coffee table to the couch and Ryder doesn't get art yet at all.  Messes and clutter stress me out enough that I have a difficult time sitting down with my kids if there's house work that needs to be done.  I do make time for them when they deliberately ask for it or show that they need it, but the majority of their day is spent independently of me.  I don't know whether I nurtured them to be that way or because they are that way by nature I have given them their space.

I read blog posts and I see Facebook statuses of moms whose lives revolve around their children.  The reading, the feeding, the exploring, the educating.  Sometimes I wish I were more like that.  Sometimes I wonder if Teryn's speech would be up-to-par if I were more like that.  Sometimes I get down on myself for being what society would deem as less of a mom.  Sometimes I wonder who I could be if I had less children.

Last weekend while Ryder was napping, Tyson was holding Adria and Teryn was sitting on my lap.  I asked Tyson, "What would it be like if we only had these two?  The gap between them is the typical gap between children."  His reply was, "We love Ryder."

Of course I didn't intend for my comment to make it sound like we didn't love Ryder, but in that moment I realized, I wouldn't change a thing.  My life is crazy and I wouldn't have it any other way.  There is more crying in my home than there is in a typical house because I can't be three places at once, but I wouldn't trade it for the world.  I may not be the master educator, musician, or chef, but my kids know I love them.  I'm a girl raised by 6 brothers, now raising my own boys (and probably tom boy). We wrestle, we chase, we tickle.  I throw my boys in the Love Sac and they wear me out before they ever want to quit.  I let them climb.  I let them fall.  I watch them wander until they're almost out of my sight, just to see where their independence will take them.  I let them fight. I melt when they hug.  I listen to them laugh.  I watch them share.

This post may seem all-over-the-place to the rest of you, but it stems from the feelings I get when I read about/hear about the super mom lives around me.  In the world of motherhood, I fall short a lot of the time.  Really, I am no super mom.  But I am an awesome mom. And I have an awesome life, an awesome husband, and three awesome kids.  Because of who I am, I'd take that over being super any day.