Heartbreak

Let me begin by admitting that I don't accurately recall what it's like to feel heart broken. I do recall having felt the feeling. I remember moments when I felt like I would never get it right.  I remember when every country song applied to me.  I know I've been there, its just been so long and I'm so happy now that I don't recall what it felt like.

Having admitted that, forgive me if I come across as insensitive or callus in my opinion.  I've just had a few thoughts running through my mind about the whole heartbreak thing--thoughts that have been spurred on by watching The Bachelor.

Those of you who have followed this season know Desirae.  Endearingly known as "Des." She has been my #1 choice from the beginning with her humble upbringing, big heart, easygoing nature, adventurous outlook, athleticism, and comfortable humor.  I was sure she would be the last one standing......until her brother came into the picture this week.  I wanted to reach through the TV and punch him in the face during Sean's hometown date with Des.  I realize he was being a protective brother but I think he was completely out of line. Anyway, that's mostly beside the point I'm trying to get at.  He threatened Sean about breaking his sister's heart and I've been thinking about it ever since.

Here's what I think.  Finding love takes time.  It takes experimenting.  It takes risks.  It takes faith.  It takes sacrifice.  It takes learning through making mistakes.  It takes heartbreak.  It takes more of these things for some than others, but I don't know anyone who has found real, true, lasting love that hasn't experienced the hard times.  Des's brother had every right to protect her but he, and every other family member in the world who is protecting a loved one, needs to realize that heartbreak is natural.  Inevitable, even.  If the courter is found cheating on, slandering etc. their significant, that's a different story.  Heartbreak as a result of unloyalty is absolutely wrong.  But when heartbreak is a matter of incompatibility or change of heart, its healthy.*  Those of us who are past the heartbreaking times can look in our hindsight and realize why things happened the way they did and feel gratitude for them.  Those relationships we thought we would never get over somehow made us stronger, better people, and pushed us one more step toward where we are and who we are today.  I will always protect my loved ones, especially my children, but rather than threatening any source of possible heartbreak, I hope to support those I love through those times and give them a hand to hold on their path to love.

The other issue I've been thinking about is that of introducing significant others to family.  I'm actually quite surprised how unoften so many take their significants home.  If your family means anything to you--if your future marriage teeters on whether they approve or not--why wait??  I feel like its a (potential) waste of time! These people that date for months (sometimes years?) and at long last decide it's time to meet the family just to find that things don't gel and they terminate the relationship? What's wrong with involving them sooner? I'm not saying every first date should include familial interaction, but I think it's perfectly acceptable to make it a point within the first month if the couple is really interested.  Every guy I've ever dated has met my family and everyone lived through it.  These people who think meeting family is such a "big thing" that they don't want to involve them unless they are really serious? Whatever.  I just don't get it.

*Please note I'm talking about courting, not marriage. Realization of incompatibility or change of heart within marriage is a whole different story and I feel such issues should be handled with greater care, time, and consideration.  I don't disagree with divorce, but I am disappointed in how easily so many give up on such a commitment.