I Never Understood

When people find out that I have 6 older brothers and no sisters, their typical reply is something like, “how did you survive?”.  I just laugh and tell them how much I loved it.  My brothers made me tough, they taught me how to use tools, they taught me how to get dirty, they threw me in the ditch to teach me how to swim, they taught me how to play catch, they taught me how to fish, they took me on motorcycle rides, they threw me in the air, they taught me to have no fear, and they loved me more than most little sisters are loved.  Really, I loved growing up as an only girl.  I never had any want for a sister.

As I grew, I imagined what my future family would be like.  I would make sure to stop having children after having a girl because I didn’t want to risk having another one.  I wanted only one daughter and I wanted her to grow up with only brothers just like I did.

But now I’m at that future family phase and I want differently.  At this point in life, I wish I had a sister to talk to about everything.  I wish I had someone to call for advice or just to shoot the breeze.  I wish I had someone to share marriage and family stories or problems with.  I wish I had someone to sympathize with because either she or I had been there before.   I wish I had someone to go out for girls’ nights with.  I wish I had someone who has been with me through the good times and bad.  I wish I had a sister to call my best friend.

It didn’t hit me until a recent family get-together that I’m kind of a lonely one-and-only. (You should know, our get-togethers are quite segregated.  Men hang with men, women hang with women, and children hang with children.)   I used to hang out with all my brothers, but now I’m married it’s kind of assumed that I should hang out with the women.  And I love my sisters-in-law but I’m the only one that’s not an in-law so I don't quite fit in there.  Family get-togethers aside,  regardless of the great relationships I have with my sisters-in-law, they all have their own sisters.  How could I feel comfortable calling on them for all the things I mentioned above when I know I’m not the one they come to?

I’m not seeking sympathy, nor do I necessarily want things to change.  Things are the way they are and I’m blessed to have the family I have, these are just real thoughts I’ve had over the course of this second pregnancy.  I would love to find out that this baby is a girl, and if she is, I pray she’s not my only one.  I pray I’ll have at least another (if not more!) so she can have the sister(s) I never had.  She’ll still have brothers to teach her everything my brothers taught me, but a sister to walk by her side would be an irreplaceable blessing.