Crying Headache

(This was supposed to post yesterday, June 29th,  but Blogger wasn't functioning.)

Today marks the third year since my brother Teryn's passing.  Three years.

Ironically, I spent the majority of my day at the funeral services of a dear friend's mother.  

I didn't know her but the music and regards given at her services spoke volumes about her.  It was very emotional for me.

You may or may not know that I was not able to attend Teryn's funeral.  He passed while I was on my mission.  I still remember the phone call from my father, the disbelief, the roller coaster of emotions, the longing to see my brother just one more time.  I know that serving the Lord gave me greater strength to accept his passing than I would have had otherwise.  I know that I was blessed for serving the duration of my time, though no one would have pointed fingers if I had decided to return home.  I know that I did just what I needed to do and I have no regrets about anything.  

But today I realized what I missed out on.  Hearing the music, listening to reminiscent stories, and learning what everyone around my friend's mother thought of her was very touching.  Searching for parking and sitting in that cultural hall filled with people who loved her was overwhelming.  

I can only imagine that Teryn's funeral was just as tender.  That the stories people shared and the thoughts given about my brother were very thoughtful, humorous, and heartfelt.  That the cultural hall was so filled with people that late comers had to stand along the walls. 

I miss you Teryn.  Me and everyone else who knew you.  Some days I feel like you're the only person who would care about something I need to talk about and I leave you Facebook messages or pray and ask Heavenly Father to relay the message.  I can hear your laugh inside my head and I can't help but smile.  I think of your outgoing nature that made everyone so comfortable and happy and I wish I could be more like you.  I think of your ever-going success in everything you did and it gives me hope that if I just keep trying everything will turn out OK.  I miss your wisdom and ability to put me in my place when I need it.  I miss your support and concern for me.  I miss your adventurous and active life.  I miss your generosity and always-caring attitude.  Some days it hurts so much to have you gone.

Elder Holland spoke at the funeral today and made sure we all understood that there really is no such thing as death.  To the mortal body, yes.  But that doesn't mean anything.  It's exciting to know that you're still living strong out there, lending an ear, making people laugh, and sharing everything you know.  You've just passed on to the next life.....a better life.....and we're just taking a little more time to be worthy to get there.

Thank you for the life you lived and the memories you left behind.  Here's to another year brother.  Each year down is one year closer to you.