DAY 22: SOMETHING YOU WISH YOU HADN'T DONE IN YOUR LIFE
I mentioned in my Day 2 Post that I would re-live my life in a heartbeat- -all but one moment. I can honestly say that it is the only moment I wish had never happened. I hesitate to write about it, only because it may seem like I'm not letting go of the past. I've let go....I've moved on......but it's still there like a Cocklebur in my brain.
It was the night before my high school graduation. I was dating a guy- -let's call him Frank (as a matter of confidentiality.) So, I had been dating Frank for a while. We had a really fun time- -he was a great boyfriend. Everything you would want a boyfriend to be, actually- -one of my favorites to this day. He wasn't at my house the night before graduation, but 2 of my other guy friends were. Let's call them Karl and David. Both were two of my best high school friends (David was actually a previous boyfriend as well), so they came to my house to write more than a short entry in my yearbook. I hung out with Karl while David wrote, and when David finished he and I hung out while Karl wrote. While David and I hung out, I went to my room to do something real quick and David soon followed. We chatted while I did (whatever I was doing-I don't remember) and it was no big deal. But somehow, David got closer....and closer.....and eventually closed in and kissed me. I was surprised, and I didn't want him to kiss me, but
I didn't stop him either.
The following morning, the last day of school, a bunch of us sluffed to go to the lake (last day of school tradition.) I picked Frank up and we met everyone at Bottle Hollow. We all did our thing and had a good time and then everyone left and I took Frank home. When we got back to his house, I told him what happened with David the night before. I will never forget his face. His dismay. His hurt. Running it through my mind again as I type breaks my heart. I still can't believe I did that to him. That moment was by far the lowest moment of my life.
And yet, somehow, we talked it through.....he accepted my apology......and he still came to my graduation (he was younger) that night with roses in hand. We tried to make it work and we tried to forget- -but within a few months we grew apart. And that's OK. It wouldn't have worked out in the long run anyway....but I will always wonder what could have been if I hadn't done what I did.
In hindsight, what do I wish I had done? I wish I had stopped him. I wish I had pushed him away and asked what he was doing. He knew my lips weren't his to touch.
My friendship lasted with David, but I don't know if he realizes what a toll that night took on my trust in and respect for him. It highly affected decisions I made about him later in my life. A relationship is nothing without trust and respect.
So there it is. The one thing I wish I hadn't done in my life. It will always be there- -that Cocklebur in my brain.
I mentioned in my Day 2 Post that I would re-live my life in a heartbeat- -all but one moment. I can honestly say that it is the only moment I wish had never happened. I hesitate to write about it, only because it may seem like I'm not letting go of the past. I've let go....I've moved on......but it's still there like a Cocklebur in my brain.
It was the night before my high school graduation. I was dating a guy- -let's call him Frank (as a matter of confidentiality.) So, I had been dating Frank for a while. We had a really fun time- -he was a great boyfriend. Everything you would want a boyfriend to be, actually- -one of my favorites to this day. He wasn't at my house the night before graduation, but 2 of my other guy friends were. Let's call them Karl and David. Both were two of my best high school friends (David was actually a previous boyfriend as well), so they came to my house to write more than a short entry in my yearbook. I hung out with Karl while David wrote, and when David finished he and I hung out while Karl wrote. While David and I hung out, I went to my room to do something real quick and David soon followed. We chatted while I did (whatever I was doing-I don't remember) and it was no big deal. But somehow, David got closer....and closer.....and eventually closed in and kissed me. I was surprised, and I didn't want him to kiss me, but
I didn't stop him either.
The following morning, the last day of school, a bunch of us sluffed to go to the lake (last day of school tradition.) I picked Frank up and we met everyone at Bottle Hollow. We all did our thing and had a good time and then everyone left and I took Frank home. When we got back to his house, I told him what happened with David the night before. I will never forget his face. His dismay. His hurt. Running it through my mind again as I type breaks my heart. I still can't believe I did that to him. That moment was by far the lowest moment of my life.
And yet, somehow, we talked it through.....he accepted my apology......and he still came to my graduation (he was younger) that night with roses in hand. We tried to make it work and we tried to forget- -but within a few months we grew apart. And that's OK. It wouldn't have worked out in the long run anyway....but I will always wonder what could have been if I hadn't done what I did.
In hindsight, what do I wish I had done? I wish I had stopped him. I wish I had pushed him away and asked what he was doing. He knew my lips weren't his to touch.
My friendship lasted with David, but I don't know if he realizes what a toll that night took on my trust in and respect for him. It highly affected decisions I made about him later in my life. A relationship is nothing without trust and respect.
So there it is. The one thing I wish I hadn't done in my life. It will always be there- -that Cocklebur in my brain.
OHhh Dani I hate make believe names now I'm wondering who, I have a pretty good idea who one was but not the other 2!!! OMG that seems so long ago!!!
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